GUANTANAMO BAYWATCH INTERVIEW by nickcommoditie

Commoditiebooking: So how long have you been playing together? How did the three of you meet?Guantanamo Baywatch: we’ve been playing with each other for maybe 3 1/2 yrs. we met thru match.com. now we dont even like each other, and just fight all the time. chris and chevelle are always putting dong and pussy hairs on each other. i just get sick in the back of the van.

 CB: Name some of your influences, in any sense.
GB: jurrasic park, big dongz, will smith (in florida)
 
CB: What’s up with the naked dinosaur girl on the cover of “Chest Crawl”?
GB: she’s an inguana. like a ninja turtle sexy bad guy.  our first tape had a cover that was the same as the cover of john waters “shock value” but instead of a flamingo, it was like this bebop iguana. we took a copy to his house in baltimore and left it in a pizza box on his door step with a gatorade bottle of tar from labrea.
 
CB: Is anyone in GB in other bands?
GB: chrissy valentine is in BOOM!, chevy is in Fartsy and the Globs and i dont do anything.
 
CB: The “Whoa Babes” video reminds me of a John Waters movie or Pee Wee’s Big Adventure,something like that. Who directed/wrote that video? What type of meat is in the bathroom?
GB: that thing is a cinibunz, and i didn’t know that girl and i really 8 that thing off her pussy off of that toilet seat.
CB: Has GB played Florida before?
GB: naw, but were stoked.
 
CB: I’ve described you as “trashy surf rock with Elvis-esque vocals”. How do you describe your band?
GB: id say the same thing, but id include the word “retarded”. surf punk. you know, donger music.
 
CB: On Chest Crawl, there is a cover of Paul Anka’s “Diana”. Do you do any other cover songs?
GB: we actually do the conway twiddy cover of diana, its a lot better i think. we also do a cover of annette funnicello “a boy to love” on a new 7″ we got out on jonny cat records. the 7″ is called oh rats. its yellow and toit.
CB: Have you tried surfing before?
GB: chris rippz da tubez. or should i say, ripped. untill he got his donger bit off by a jelly fish. R.I.P the tube rippin. jk
CB: Who came up with the band name?
GB: i did. it is the dumbest band name. i think its funny people have to say it.
 
CB: Are you well recieved in Portland, being a “surf-rock” band?
GB: yah, i guess so. i think people consider us a punk band. we play with mostly punk and garage rock bands. that seems right.
 
CB: What have you been listening to lately?
GB: we’ve been in the van for like three weeks, so after all our cds melted on the dash, we’ve been listening to top 40s miky minaj, new country and christian rawk on the radio. PLEAZE, if you’re reading this and have a heart, BRING US MIX CDS TO THE SHOW!! we’ll giv you hand jammers.
CB: What is GB’s healthy obsession with cum and farts and sleazy things of the sort?
GB: doesn’t everyone like those things? chevelle and chris are gross losers. i’m toit!